Mefistofele is an 1867 opera from Italian composer Arrigo Boito based on Faust. Didn’t know I was so classy, did you? Spoiler alert: I’m only here for the batshit crazy album cover.
Another thing you probably didn’t know about me is that I speak fluent Italian, which is fortunate for you. I’ve taken the time to translate the scene depicted on this album cover. It loses a bit without the music, but here it is:
I’m going to take you on a journey, girl.
A journey! A journey! You will love the master’s journey! I could spend hours with him in the Winnebago during our summer road trips. Last year we went to Mammoth Cave. The humidity in Kentucky…but I do go on.
My trident is mighty, forged of steel from the depths of Hell! Sharper than my eyebrows and hotter than a…really hot thing.
His weapon is a marvelous thing! We went to a Cubs game last year and I peeked at the urinal. I didn’t really mean to but I’m a little pee shy and I thought maybe that might get the pump station operating.
Gaze upon my manhood with wonder and amazement!
His L’il Smokey is the envy of us all! More of a capicola, really, but my writing group says that “salami” is overused when talking about such things. Workshopping a new poem can be so intimidating. It’s a process.
Gaze upon it with fear and lust! You have never felt the immoral pleasures bursting from my loins! From this golden undercarriage bursts forth all of the World’s lust and passion! Every taboo fantasy and desire you imagine is contained within my forbidden man apples! Prepare yourself!
Dry cleaning, oil change, muffins for the PTA fundraiser, eggs, milk, toilet paper…
Why It Matters 
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