120. The Turn of a Friendly Card

South Carolina is contoured like a playing card bent at the upper left corner.  This is where I was raised, up here on the K on the suicide king, above his coat of arms, tucked into to the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  But after the new year put 1985 to rest, I packed…

chapter 120South Carolina is contoured like a playing card bent at the upper left corner.  This is where I was raised, up here on the K on the suicide king, above his coat of arms, tucked into to the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  But after the new year put 1985 to rest, I packed up my shit and headed toward the Lowcountry.


This is the part of the South that pop culture loves to romanticize: the swamps, Spanish moss, and mansions; the palmettos and the gators.  This is Pat Conroy country, Tara, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.  The playing card is flat down here, sandy and humid.

I knew I was nearing the state line when the fireworks stands popped up like technicolor mushrooms along the interstate: last chance to blow off my fingers before entering Georgia.  And then I was free of South Carolina’s gravity, off of the interstate connecting Miami to the Canadian border and barreling down a two-lane highway toward the poor man’s Charleston.

In 1986 the smell of Savannah arrived long before the sight – the strong methane odor of swamp gas and pulp mills.  And then the steel skeleton rose from the horizon, the Talmadge Bridge, the biggest trestle bridge I’d ever seen, with its grated deck that made tires sing. Fishermen and alligators lurked around its pilings.

The bridge is the only climb in that flat land, arching over the Savannah River.  To my left River Street strobed through the bridge’s steel girders with its bars, hotels, and junk shops hustling money from drunken tourists bedazzled by its cobblestones and red bricks.

Down the Savannah side of the bridge I rolled, past the gas stations and the twenty-dollar hotels where I holed up with Andi now and then over the last couple of months while I looked for an apartment.

Savannah 1986 had the highest murder rate per capita of any American city, at least according to its residents.  I don’t know whether anyone bothered to verify that fact.  I know that I didn’t.  It was simply part of the mythology of the town, and everyone repeated it with a mixture of horror, fear, and pride.

The alleged cause of all of this violence was geography, or city planning.  On either end of Savannah lay housing projects that were home to rival gangs.  In the center was the historic district, home to all of those beautiful churches and landmark homes that encircled landscape squares.  This is the key to Savannah’s beauty — block after block of landscaped parks.  That’s where the tourists went, where the rich lived, where the art school kids walked about, where the rival gangs met to shoot each other and to rob everyone else.  That’s 1986, though.  I don’t know what it’s like today.

My new school was on one of those squares, the Savannah College of Art and Design.  The main building was the old National Guard armory, with old iron cannons standing guard on either side of the main entrance.  The school’s street-level gallery took up the square side corner of the building, paintings by school favorite professor Mark Flowers looming in the windows.  Across the street was the school’s cafe bookstore, and across the square were both an antiquarian bookseller and a rectory whose only occupant was a priest who drove a new Mercedes.

I kept driving, out past Forsyth Park and its glorious fountain, the crown jewel of the city’s parks.  Eventually this would be my front yard, my home an apartment with thirteen foot ceilings and a bay window that overlooked the park.  Someday I would learn that Mike Tyson is the new heavyweight champ as I walked through this park. One day in this park I would have a conversation that would change my life forever.

But not today.  On this Saturday in January 1986 I keep driving south down Abercorn, the painfully straight boulevard leading out of the historic district and back into the twentieth century.  Abercorn is lined with fast food joints, banks, and strip malls.  Ugly America, generic America, America.  The traffic is intense — two lanes either direction.  I left behind a town of 6,000 for the big city: 125,000 residents.

Forward, past Oglethorpe Mall, where someday I will make a new best friend.  He’s probably working today, or he’s doing homework.  He’s a SCAD student, too, but I don’t know that.  I don’t know him.

On the left is the Chinese restaurant Lee G. and I will haunt whenever he visits, downing mustard so spicy that it temporarily blinds us.  Tucked behind the grocery store rests the Windsor Arms Apartments.  I’m almost ten miles away from the school but it’s the only place that I could find, my punishment for starting school a quarter late.  The carpets are burnt orange and the rent is $225 per month.  It’s Saturday afternoon, January 1986, and I am home.

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Responses to “120. The Turn of a Friendly Card”

  1. 250. All the Greenery Is Comin’ Down, Boy – Why It Matters

    […] I left Upstate South Carolina at age 18. In the seven years that followed I went to art school, managed a record store, fell in love, got a dog, dropped out of art school, appeared in a movie, got rid of the dog, moved to Los Angeles, was mistaken for Bobcat Goldthwait by Don Rickles, worked on a dozen movies and one TV show, lost the girl, got some cats, watched the city go up in flames, missed the dog, was shot at in a drive-by, and lost my fucking mind. […]

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  2. James Stafford

    That’s too funny, and too Bob.

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  3. James Stafford

    Thanks, Laura B. Here’s hoping that I can come up with some 😛

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  4. James Stafford

    Somebody has on his crabby pants today….

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  5. Robbo

    I’m pretty sure that the murder stat for Savannah was on the news. Local or national news I don’t know. One thing that did make the local news was that one day a guy had been shot dead in the head in Forsyth Park just before noon. Scott P. and I jogged around the park perimeter later in the afternoon that same day. I didn’t learn of the shooting until that night. Also around that time Mike C. was walking around the area of Jones and Bull streets at night when he saw a guy trying to break into a car. Mike yelled at him. The guy pulled a gun and began chase. Mike ran towards the SCAD main building, let himself in and locked the door. He did security for SCAD during various evening exhibits, plays, etc. and luckily had his key with him. He said that the guy, with gun in hand, began banging on the door, trying to get in. Mike locked himself in the office and called the police. The guy gave up trying to gain entry and Mike came out only when the police had called to let him know that they were outside.

    A few other minor things – My car was broken into four times, three times in the Forsyth Park area, once at the Oglethorpe Mall. And – I love this one – I had a 10 speed that I didn’t ride anymore. It cost about $125 or so. Bob P., 25 years old and still didn’t have a driver’s license, said he wanted to buy it. So, I sold it to him for $100. It wasn’t two weeks later when he came home from SCAD for lunch – wasn’t home even half an hour – when it was stolen in broad daylight, the lock chain actually torched off the iron gate the bike was locked to! The only thing left was the lock chain, just hanging on the gate. Oh, God! Though Bob wasn’t very happy, Mike and I laughed for what seemed like hours! I still got my hundred bucks, and Bob, though years later, eventually got his driver’s license.

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  6. laura b.

    Never been to Savannah, but once again you’ve done a masterful job of painting an evocative picture with your words. Can’t wait for the art school stories 🙂

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  7. Bud Aungst

    OK. You did a masterful job of teasing. Now get on with the stories.

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