Deep Cuts

Deep Cuts: Your 2014 Montage Song

montage edited

Okay, the presents are opened, the pudding has been adequately figgied, and now you’re ready to start thinking about your 2014 goals. Whatever you choose, there’s no need to waste a whole year on your resolution. If movies have taught me anything it’s that transformation only takes the length of a good montage song.

Pick a goal, pick your montage song, and let’s do this thing:

Resolution: Learn to Dance

You’re going to need Deniece Williams’ “Let’s Hear it for the Boy” to meet your goal. You’re also going to need cowboy boots and Kevin Bacon.

Resolution: Work Out Your Anger While Driving a Lambo

If sometime during the last year your nemesis turned best friend was killed by a Russian superman, you’re going to need to spend some time driving fast and emoting. Robert Tepper’s “No Easy Way Out” should do the trick.

[Note: If you’d rather punch dance your anger out, stick with Footloose.]

Resolution: Win a Tournament

There’s only one possibility here: Joe Esposito’s “You’re the Best Around.”  You’re the best, Daniel! Sweep the leg!

Resolution: Build a Mighty Empire

Hopefully yours will be a legal empire, but hey, I don’t judge. The important thing here, according to Paul Engemann, is that you Push it to the Limit (Limit!).

Resolution: Take Out the Opposition

That weasel down in accounting has been grinding on you long enough. Time to rent a box of bees and cut the brake lines on his Bentley. What the hell is an accountant doing with a Bentley, anyway? The Who’s “A Quick One While He’s Away” is what you’re going to need.

Resolution: Paint Your Masterpiece

You’re so damned artistic that one song isn’t going to cut it: Your montage needs a music montage. Aside from the artists whose names you hear announced during this clip, you’ll also note Miles Davis and Grandmaster Flash.

Resolution: Update Your Wardrobe

Dr. John’s “New Looks” is right on the money, Rusty. Where’s your sister?

Resolution: Visit More Museums

If Ferris taught us anything, it’s that art is better viewed while listening to the Dream Academy’s cover of “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths. I’m pretty sure it will work in other museums, too, except maybe that one with Jesus riding a dinosaur.

Resolution: Single-Handedly Take Out a Dictator

An impressive and ambitious goal, but you know what you’re going to need? You’re gonna need a montage.

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