Is there a lower limit on what people will get mad about on the internet? No, there is not.

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Dear “Gentlemen”:

I am a regular reader of your “magazine” and have always tried to enjoy it. Although you are obviously biased and without any moral fiber, I approach each “issue” with an open mind because that’s just how I am.

So you can imagine my disgust with your recent article, “Why We Love Fuzzy Kittens.” First of all, I don’t know the “author” of this “article.” Who is he to suggest that I love kittens? I may or I may not, but I don’t appreciate some elitist making up my mind for me. I know you probably can’t understand this because you’re all a bunch of idiots, but some people don’t like being painted with such broad strokes.

I am, in fact, a dog man, and I’m tired of the East Coast Pro-Kitten Agenda being shoved down my throat every time I turn around. Here’s a kitten wearing fruit as a helmet, here’s one playing with string. Come on! Enough already!

The “writer” clams that “caring for a helpless creature teaches children important life lessons about sharing and selflessness.” How dare you corrupt my children with this socialist garbage? I have never been so offended. Why should I pay for some welfare mother who doesn’t want to work to feed her 13 illegitimate kids steak and lobster three meals a day?

And he just had to mention that cats were very important to the Egyptians. All you ivory tower snobs just have to apologize for the terrorists every chance you get. Never forget! That’s what I say. You’re either with us or against us.

There’s even one place in the story where this hypocrite admits he has a dog! What is that? I’m supposed to believe this liar loves fuzzy kittens when he has a dog?! You know who else said one thing but did another? Hitler.

Where this “article” really lost me was when the arrogant writer said, “Kittens can be a handful, but the love and joy they bring into your home is worth it.” How DARE you think you can judge my home?! The last person who had the nerve to tell me that I was without love and joy was my ex-wife, and she’s a frigid idiot. Besides that, what I do behind closed doors is my own business, unless it’s gay stuff.

In conclusion, I am disgusted with your “magazine’s” lack of respect for dog owners. You can bet this is the last time I read Cat Lovers Monthly while I’m in the checkout line.

Insincerely yours,

Randall P. Larfgrender, Jr.

—photo Tristan Schmurr /Flickr Creative Commons

–—originally posted at The Good Men Project