More To Come

Tonight Show

Perhaps the most essential lesson I learned from martial arts training is that a fight is won when the opponent’s will is gone. With enough practice one can see the moment that the will leaves. It’s in the eyes, the body language, the effort.

Last week I tried. I tried to get out of the house, but wherever I went felt like the wrong place to be. I tried to stay busy, but whatever I did felt like the wrong thing to do. I wrote a memoir piece, but it felt empty.

Mostly I slept, or tried to. My closed eyes are an all-night cinema, playing the night of my mother’s death on a loop. I get a little sleep, of course, but I wake up exhausted every morning.

Only a week and a half has passed since that night. I know that both the images and the emotions will fade with time, but right now my will is gone. I don’t care about much of anything, really. Everything seems trite, meaningless, irrelevant. That will change, but that’s where I am right now.

Maybe I’ll be back on track next Monday. Thanks for your patience.

Categories: Uncategorized

1 reply »

  1. We will wait with you, not going anywhere. As you know, I have lived in that grief hut-bubble more than once, and the thing about it is, you do not get up and walk out of it, that door is locked tight.
    The hut-bubble decides when it is time to start opening the windows and unlocking the doors, and at some point you notice that you are getting some fresh air, and later (who knows when) you try the door again, and this time it opens.
    Until that happens, this is where you live, and there is not a whole lot to do except sit and stare, and go through the motions of whatever “needs” to be done. I wish I could give you a time frame, but……I can’t. I can tell you that you are not getting out in a week-and-a-half, so try not to make yourself feel worse by attempting it.

    There are many people who love you, and we will all be here when the hut unlocks the door.


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