
Karen V. Bryan, Flickr Creative Commons
Ready for the holiday shopping season? No you’re not.
Automated Efficiency
Please insert or swipe
Your Club Rewards Card.
Would you like to apply for a
Club Rewards Card?
Please insert or swipe
Your Megastore Visa.
Would you like to apply for a
Megastore Visa and
Save ten percent today?
Please insert or swipe
Your debit or credit card.
Do you want to use
Debit or credit?
Would you like to
Donate five dollars to
Kittens For Convicts?
Would you like to purchase a
Two year protection plan?
Would you like to round
Your purchase up and add
Your change to
Your Megastore Savers Account?
Would you like to apply for a
Megastore Savers Account?
Would you like to tip?
Please select
10 percent
15 percent
Other
Please confirm
You have read the
Terms and Conditions.
Please enter the
Number of bags you need.
Please confirm
You do not need bags.
Please enter
Your PIN.
Please confirm
Your PIN entry.
Your total is
Eighty-nine cents.
Press approve to confirm
Your total.
Press one to confirm
Your approval.
Would you like
Your receipt
Emailed
Printed
Emailed and Printed
Press Yes to confirm
No Receipt.
You have canceled
Your transaction.
To take a brief
Survey for a
Chance to win a
New car
Press Yes.
Thank you for
Shopping at Megastore.
Categories: Poems
And just when you get to the end…
‘You have entered an invalid number.
Please begin again and insert or swipe
Your Club Rewards Card.’
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And don’t forget, “do you have a chip card? If you do, insert here, if not, insert it down here.” It’s starting to sound like porn.
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