And the Lord smiled upon the scene, and he sayeth unto the masses, “I have brought unto you this day the greatest miracle the world hath ever seen. I call it ‘zero percent down and sixty days same as cash.’ Now go unto thine stores and thine phones, thine computers and thine car lots and spend. Spend like a Sodomite trying to buy a place heaven, for I am the Lord thy God, and only the purchase of travel coffee cups and other cheap plastic crap shall appease me.”

That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

“Don’t Have To Shop Around,” The Mad Lads.

“Shoplifters of the World Unite,” The Smiths.

“Shopping For Girls,” Tin Machine.

“Window Shopping,” The Friday Club.

“Buy Me A Car,” The Beat Farmers.

“You Can’t Buy My Love,” Robert Plant.

“I Buy,” Killing Joke.

“Try Some Buy Some,” George Harrison.

There you have it: eight songs for your shopping season. What did I miss? I’m listening.